Patience

Auughhh!! Ok, I bet you already know where this one is going now. Have you ever had trouble with patience? Yes? If not, you should be writing this, telling people like me how to get better and stuff like that. I just throw my thoughts down.

So it's like someone's leading you through somewhere, and the place is full of really cool things. You would stop and enjoy all the really cool things this tour guide person is, but there one thing in particular that you want to see. So, the whole time, you're asking "What about this? When is that coming up? What'll it be like? Can you take me straight there?" And that's what we do. That's what I feel like now. I know that God has this amazing plan for my life, and He's taking me through it right now, step by step, day by day. But I keep looking forward, to next month, to next summer, to next year, to... I used to think this was good. I mean, it's better than the alternative, which is reliving and regretting your past constantly. I've been both places, and looking forward to the future is much more fun. But, in either case, you're still being distracted from what really matters, which is living for God, right here, right now. Don't forget your past, because you need to learn from trials and mistakes, and don't stop envisioning your future, because God has something wonderful in store for you. Just make sure you're doing the work of the Lord right now. I heard this neat little quote once. It starts off saying how yesterday is something, and tomorrow is something (I know, real descriptive, right?), but "today is a gift; that's why it's called the 'present.'" It's true.

So, I think I'm kinda getting a little off track here. Plus, I want to go to sleep by midnight (not gonna happen). I started off talking about patience, specifically in regard to God's plan. I keep wanting to be somewhere other than where I am. It's not always a "grass is greener" type of thing, though. I'm not always discontent with where I am at the moment, I just get, well, impatient. I'm finished with whatever I'm doing before God is. I don't play with the little toys very long before I start to go for the big one, or new one, or whatever. This book I'm reading (I finished the Cussler one yesterday. awesome) right now talks about how patience is closely linked to wisdom, and that kinda struck close to home for me. Because I struggle with patience sometimes, and yet, for a really long time now, I've prayed for God to give me wisdom. What's weird about that is, I don't really know how He's answered my prayer. Like, I don't really feel wise or anything, but sometimes it seems like I give answers to people that I didn't know that I had. I start talking about things, and I'm just like "Where did that come from?" Almost like I'm just coming up with this stuff as I say it, yet I say it like I've learned it through lots of experience or something like that. Is that wisdom from God, or just me saying the first thing that comes to mind? And if it is wisdom, why do I have such trouble with patience?

Even if patience and wisdom go together, the main thing you get from patience is peace. That's because patience is when you totally trust God and His plan, and especially, His timing. But then, wouldn't that mean that patience is tied in with faith? Whenever you have patience, in any situation, isn't that evidence of faith? Two people standing, waiting for an elevator. Both are going to the same meeting, starting at the same time. One is nervously tapping his foot, watching the numbers slowly change, the other is patiently waiting, thinking about what the stuff between bricks is made of. Why? They obviously have different attitudes about the same thing, but, unless the nervous one has to pee or something, why would they be so different? Sure, you could argue that the patient one has more faith, trusting that the elevator will make it, and he will get to his meeting in time. But you could also argue that he simply has more wisdom, because he understands that fretting about an elevator simply won't help anything (or because he went to the bathroom before he left for the meeting). Are they all three related somehow? I mean, I know they all are, in some way, but I'm talking about in this context. Basically, how do you become more patient? You pray, yes, and ask God for patience. But if you ask God to help you fight a giant, you still have to go out there and fight. What do you do?

Is patience really anything in and of itself? Like, what is patience? Maybe it's just a byproduct of wisdom and peace. But patience is a fruit of the Spirit (unlike a coconut)! Ahh! I don't understand. Am I over analyzing this? I tend to do that on occasion. "He looked at me and didn't smile. Does he hate me?" Ok, maybe not quite like that, but yeah. Ugh, now it's 5 til 12. I really need to blog less. Have you noticed that I've been blogging a lot lately? Well, I have. It's probably just cuz I've been thinking a lot, and something about putting my thoughts down where people can read and laugh at them without me knowing is...appealing? Wow, I just made blogs creepy. You're a creeper now, you know that? Don't worry, I'll find a good picture for the milk cartons.

So, we ran a marathon today. Yes, literally. At least, I think it qualified as a marathon. It was a three mile, timed race around the quadrangle. Six laps. It's called the "bloody cross," and the Corps does it every year. It's called that because the way we run around the quad is in the shape of a cross. It's really good bull (fun). We get to wear costumes if we want. I chose to wear my Halloween costume. If you've ever watched Sesame Street, you probably remember Bert and Ernie. I was dressed up as Ernie. If you remember from Sesame Street, Ernie wore jeans, and two sweaters. Also, you never see Ernie run, and you sure don't ever see him run 3 miles in sunny Texas weather. Yeah, I came really close to passing out. I didn't fall out, though! I stayed in and ran all 3 miles. The 3's on here look cool. They go below the line. I wonder if they'll look the same when I post this. I hope so.

Anyway, so back to patience, I want to go to sleep, and this is taking too long, so I think I'm done (sarcasm, but I really am done). I guess I haven't said this before, but please keep me in your prayers. It's a lot better than it was last semester, but it's still really tough here. If you're reading this, I love you, and thank you being my friend. If you don't know me, and you're secretly following my blog or something, that's ok; I still love you. Wow, I just reread the sentence before, and it sounded really deep. I actually didn't intend it that way. It is true, yes, but it was supposed to be all cheerful and funny and stuff... yeah, I'm just gonna go now.