So, it's a little late at night right now, but I had a cup of coffee earlier at mcdonalds with the Seales, so I'm a little awake. It surprised me how much it actually affected me. It was way more coffe than I normally have at once, which is rare anyway. Maybe that's why. But anyway, I was falling asleep driving to the thing in La Grange where they sang, but I thought it was closer than it was, so I didn't call anyone to stay awake. But then on the way home, after the coffee, I had no trouble at all. See, I heard that what caffeine does to your brain is essentially not like pressing the gas pedal, but more like putting a block under the brake pedal. Which I guess that makes sense for me, because usually when I'm tired, I am tired, and caffeine doesn't help that much. I guess it's the equivalent of coasting to a stop. My brain probably does that pretty quickly, because I think it's kinda like our little ranger... pulling a trailer. Sometimes I wonder if I even have a gas pedal. It's definitely a standard, because it stalls a lot. Sometimes I have trouble switching gears, though. Maybe the clutch is getting sticky... Tires are a little worn, but at least the engine is in decent shape. Radio is out of tune, though...
You know what I want for Christmas? Me neither. I would love to get back into model rockets, but I don know how I would make the time for it. It's so nerdy, too, but I think I've accepted my nerdiness. I think I can run farther faster and do more push ups than a bunch of non nerdy people, so I guess it's ok. I also play bass, so... Ok, scratch that...
I'm getting the feeling things are about to change a lot. Maybe that's why I'm feeling like I do right now. I feel really weird. It's not a good feeling, either. It's almost a hurting feeling, but it almost feels like I'm losing things in my life, including people, things I do, stuff like that. Maybe it's cuz the new year is approaching, maybe it's because I'm noticing all these changes that really are happening. But it feels like it's bigger than what's happening right now, that I'm noticing. It's like a weird feeling that there's something way bigger coming. I don't know. I'm not sure it's good, though. Or at least, not easy. What's best is sometimes really hard to accept. It's hard to let some people go, even if you just won't see them as much, but especially when you don't even know if you'll see them again. It's hard to stop doing something that you've been doing for so long, it doesn't seem like it would ever end. It's hard to add something new when you aren't sure what exactly it means for you. It's hard to leave, when the first thing you think about is when you'll get to come back next. And it's hard to go back when the first thing you think about is when you'll get to leave again. They say (and by that I mean I heard someone say once) that nostalgia is related to heaven, because when we feel it, it's for something or someone that reminds our souls of heaven. I don't know if I worded that right, but basically, you have the same feelings for those things that make you nostalgic as you will for heaven. It sounds pretty right to me, because those things for me are the closest things to heaven that I have here on earth. I think some things are going to change this next year, and I'll be missing my little pieces of heaven a lot more.
No comments:
Post a Comment