fp's

So, I'm a fish again. Awesome. Back to sprinting in the hallways (not fast enough), speaking to the upperclassmen (in the wrong order, intensity, gender, make, model, accent, whatever), sounding off (not loud enough), sleeping on top of the covers (not long enough), and getting smoked (more than enough). I don't have a first name, and I do have my cadence on me. I don't wear sandals, but my shoes are shined (not!). And, best of all, I have a fresh, snazzy haircut. Life is...slow. Summer can not get here fast enough. Christmas break sure took it's time. The wait totally made it worth it, though, that much should be said. But now, I'm looking all the way to summer, which I know is going to take forever. So, maybe I should instead look forward to spring break, which is in March... or maybe just this weekend. I might be able to leave. But then, we have a blackbelt band function. Nope, sorry fish (and sophomores), no fun, free weekend for you! Nope, stay here in College Station, and do...whatever it is we're making you do, cuz nobody cares... Yeah...

Ok, so now I think I'm done with the negativity... Oh wait, I feel some more coming on.....

I hate the Corps...

Ok, now I'm really done. I'll be positive now. At least the first night wasn't too bad. Third platoon got to go hang out in Mr Thompson's room after outfit meeting to talk about stuff. How the break was, pt, grades, the new fish (we have two new fish this semester, and one is in our platoon), and then we just asked some questions and stuff. Mr Thompson is really cool. He’s definitely one of my favorite juniors, maybe even my favorite. I haven’t really thought about it.

So, we have a bag-in tomorrow, which means we don’t have to wake up to yelling, and then go to formation. That makes me happy, even though I have an 8 o clock class, which means I’ll be waking up at 6:30 or so anyway. I just hope I can actually wake up in time… But still, waking up early to an alarm is better than waking up early to sophomores yelling at me.

I have a big problem with worry. I know I shouldn’t, but I worry about lots of things. Everything from what training time is gonna be like, to whether I’ll be able to find a good job, a good wife, a good place to eat for lunch. Stuff I shouldn’t even be thinking about at this point, cuz I can’t do anything about them (well, maybe I can control lunch, but that’s about it). I bring this up because, for the past day and a half, I guess, up until about 9 o clock tonight, I’ve been super nervous and stressed out about going back to the Corps. Like, to the point of not feeling well, and even having to poop like 20 minutes after I had just gone (yes, you needed to know that). I ended up not going, which almost makes it worse, cuz I didn’t even need to, I just felt like I had to go. I had been packing really slowly, too, sometimes on purpose, but also without realizing it, almost as if taking my time would make it take more time to get here. It didn’t… But anyway, I’ve been worrying about all this, and it hasn’t helped me at all. In fact, worrying has never helped me do anything except freak out and get sick to my stomach. I always wanna put an e on the end of stomach. Stomache. Not right, but I always try to do it. I try to not worry about things. I try to not think about them, but that doesn’t work. Even if I’m not consciously thinking about whatever it is I’m worrying about, I still get nervous about it. I try praying about it, sometimes more than others, I’ll admit, but I still pray, a lot. Maybe I just can’t let go of that stuff. I don’t know. I really wish I did. Sometimes I can do it. Not very often, but sometimes. I don’t really know how I do it, though….

Ok, now I gotta go to bed. A senior just came in and got mad at my old lady (my roommate). I don’t think she saw me, but I’m still gonna get off now. I have a cool post coming soon, though!