I keep laughing at how great the title of this blog is. It's just so perfect. I'm just going through life, living and learning, and finding out how much I really don't know.
So, I had this vision the other day. It was sometime last week, but I don't remember when. I also don't remember whether I dreamed this, or just thought of the scenario while awake. I actually totally forgot about it until last night.
The first thing I remember is cardboard boxen, at least six of them. We are packing the last one. Filled almost to the top with Bibles, we put in a final layer of textbooks and close the top. Flash forward, there's an SUV, with the boxes in back. It's dark, and raining. I'm walking around the back of the car to get in the driver's seat, there's a man in the passenger, and the area is illuminated by the bright spotlights of a security checkpoint...
So yeah, I just remembered that last night. I don't know what it means, if it means anything, but I think it's pretty cool. Something I just realized is that the driver's side was on the left side of the car. I don't know which countries drive on the right side of the road, but that kind of makes me want to find out...
Ok, so so much has happened since the last time I wrote anything significant on this blog, so if you haven't been talking to me or something like that, you missed out on a lot. Zambia was incredible. Life-changing. Seriously. It changed the direction of my life. Before I went, I was kind of interested in missions, but not really concerned with them. I just wanted to go on at least one for the experience. Now, however, they are a huge focus of my life. If I didn't think an engineering degree would help me get the gospel overseas, I probably would have changed majors by now. I'm going to talk to my advisor about getting a minor in math so that I can teach math to kids in Zambia. Yeah, if you had asked me about that last year, I... don't know what I would have said... It probably would've been pretty dumb, though...
Anyways, so yeah...
Also, being chaplain is not quite what I thought it would be like. It's hard being in that role and talking to people who have been facing crazy hard things. Some of the freshmen have gone through some intense trials. There hasn't been anything major lately, but whenever something big happens, and I go to them to help or they come to me for support, it's like I take some of that emotional burden on myself. I can feel the weight of it pulling down on my heart. I guess I've never really done anything quite like this, so I didn't know that happens. It makes me think about what others must have felt like when I came to them and just threw all my troubles on them. It really helps just to talk to people sometimes, but it can also be pretty tough for that person. I'm not saying that I dislike it. I love being the chaplain, and I'm so thankful God has put me in this position to influence others and be a role model. I'm so glad to be a part of that, but it isn't always easy. I read the part in James where he says that it's not good for many of them to be teachers because of how teachers are judged more strictly. Because of the stuff he says next, I think James is being pretty specific, but it still made me really think about my words and actions, and whether I'm really representing the gospel like I should or not. Paul says in Titus to do everything in a way that will make the gospel attractive to others. Even non-believers hold us up to a higher standard. If I cussed, or stole something, or started talking about girls the way some of buddies do, they would immediately notice and wonder what was wrong with me. If I insult someone (even kidding around), they'll say something like "Man, and coming from the chaplain!..." As if I am supposed to be kinder, gentler, and more respectful than them. Am I? As a Christian, definitely. I should always be striving to imitate Christ, to love God and to love others. But as a cadet, we all commit to the same set of values. There is no clause in the honor system that says "Only chaplains must be respectful of women..." or anything like that. All of us swear to the same cadet oath, and are all held according to the same standard. So then, why am I expected to act differently? I think it's because, deep down, whether they realize it or not, non-believers know they're missing it. They know "right" from "wrong," even though they deny the existence of God, the only possible source of a universal set of morals among us. It's just how we, Christians, are supposed to be. We're supposed to be kinder, humbler, more generous, more loving. But then, why doesn't everyone want to be a Christian? If we have that stereotype, and it's something that is generally held in higher regard, then why doesn't everyone want that? Maybe they see it like a religion, where it's something that we've committed to, so now we have to do it. We joined the club, signed the contract, said the oath, so now we have to follow the rules. Do we make it seem like that? Do we act like my Mormon buddy did (one of our buddies fish year is Mormon. He's on his two-year mission trip thing right now), who would never go see R-rated movies because he wasn't allowed to, but played Mature-rated computer games with (in my opinion) just as much gore, language, etc, as those movies, because there was no rule against it? We should be living content with Jesus, and uninterested in the fleeting pleasures the world finds so enticing and entangling. We should make the gospel of Jesus attractive by showing others that in it there is freedom, there is contentment, there is a greater pleasure than anything this world can offer. People should expect us to act differently, and wonder why we are so happy with it.
Shine, make 'em wonder what you got, make 'em wish that they were not on the outside looking bored.
Shine, let it shine before all men, let 'em see good works and then, let 'em glorify the Lord.
I've been reading A Pilgrim's Progress lately. It's really cool. I love this part here...
I saw also, that the Interpreter took him again by the hand, and led him into a pleasant place, where was builded a stately palace, beautiful to behold; at the sight of which Christian was greatly delighted. He saw also, upon the top thereof, certain persons walking, who were clothed all in gold.
Then said Christian, May we go in thither?
Then the Interpreter took him, and led him up towards the door of the palace; and behold, at the door stood a great company of men, as desirous to go in; but durst not. There also sat a man at a little distance from the door, at a table-side, with a book and his inkhorn before him, to take the name of him that should enter therein; he saw also, that in the doorway stood many men in armour to keep it, being resolved to do the men that would enter what hurt and mischief they could. Now was Christian somewhat in amaze. At last, when every man started back for fear of the armed men, Christian saw a man of a very stout countenance come up to the man that sat there to write, saying, Set down my name, Sir: the which when he had done, he saw the man draw his sword, and put a helmet upon his head, and rush toward the door upon the armed men, who laid upon him with deadly force; but the man, not at all discouraged, fell to cutting and hacking most fiercely. So after he had received and given many wounds to those that attempted to keep him out, he cut his way through them all [Acts 14:22], and pressed forward into the palace, at which there was a pleasant voice heard from those that were within, even of those that walked upon the top of the palace, saying-- "Come in, come in; Eternal glory thou shalt win."
So he went in, and was clothed with such garments as they. Then Christian smiled and said; I think verily I know the meaning of this.
Bunyan, John (2009-10-04). The Pilgrim's Progress from this world to that which is to come, delivered under the similitude of a dream, by John Bunyan (Kindle Locations 425-437). Public Domain Books. Kindle Edition.
Pretty sweet. Ok, I'm going to the second part of the GO! Missions Conference put on by Breakaway :) I'm excited. I'm going to try to post more (I've heard it's not good to say stuff like this on blogs, but I don't really care). I have the time; I'll just waste less time on other stuff. See ya!
